Fears and phobias from a writer’s viewpoint

I just finished my 31st novel.  I have created all of them within a 2 year period.  As i have stated before, I write out my pains, fears, intrigues and feelings.  When I was a child, I had this ongoing dream that never ended.  When I laid down at night, I could not wait to get back to that dream.  I was a popular movie star of sorts with special powers.  Of course the characters, including myself included people like Farrah Faucet and John Stamos.  I guess that led into my need to write.

I tried to escape my world of abuse and loneliness by creating these dreams and characters.  I started writing them down but never finished them.  It was not until 2014 that I began finishing stories.  Some of them were short stories and one was a novel.  It started as part of the NANOWRIMO contest and continued from there.  The more I wrote, the better I got.  That led to 2 years worth of 31 novels, 1 novella, 5 short stories and 3 open stories not finished.

So where are they?  Still in my Dropbox.  My husband is my only fan right now.  He helps guide my stories when i get stuck in a rut.  I published my first Novella i wrote in college and I have not sold anything.  I guess I am afraid to publish.  What will they think of my writing style?  Will my friends hate me?  Are my stories good enough?  These are the questions that constantly go through my mind.

The biggest fear I have is What if they DO like my style.  Then it becomes real and I have to face my phobia of explaining myself to my friends and families.  I have only a handful of friends who truly understand me and will not judge the person I am.

So where do I go from here?  Do I edit and publish and get rejected over and over again or do I just keep them to myself, unedited and unjudged?  What would you do?

 

 

 

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