Roseanne Barr and other Political Nonsense

If you ask anyone that knows me, they will tell you that I am not one for politics.  I hate politics.  When it’s time to vote, I ask my husband his opinions on whoever and then I form my own and vote.  The same goes for all the political nonsense that is aired on TV, websites and social medias.  Most I scroll by and don’t respond to and end up back at my word processor, trying to write the next page in my upcoming novel.

I don’t care for most politicians put into office.  I did not vote nor like President Obama.  He was a yes man and told the whole country what they wanted to hear, until he won.  He overcame a lot of obstacles to get to where he was.  I admired that.  I did not vote nor like President Trump.  He ran for office because of his popularity and he won.  I think he makes a spectacle out of himself.  He does not take the role seriously.  But those are my opinions.

We live in a country that was founded on our differences and bonded together based on that.  We accept each other and we embrace our own cultures.  At least, that is what we used to do.  The majority of our nation still believe in this today.  There are the select few who started our uprisings and wars based on their biases to other cultures.  They feel like we should NOT accept people who want to embrace their own culture.  They think that everyone should become an AMERICAN.  What IS an American?  We are a melting pot and we are supposed to blend, not  fight.  We founded this country based on other cultures moving from different parts of the world.

The uprisers choose to make fun of and degrade those that they deem not American.  They will not stop until said person flees the country.  They party and claim their victories over the simple fact that they made fun of the underdog and won.

There is another American that I would like to talk about.  The followers.  These are the band wagoners.  The ones who try to blend in by laughing at everything they see.  They don’t take anything seriously by getting involved in taking care of the citizens of our country.  They choose to laugh off anything that may not actually understand.  When it is explained to them, they say that it was just a joke and that person really doesn’t mean what they say.  Or they jump on the band wagon and accuse other groups of doing the same thing ,confusing words such as racial and hateful.  In reality, those are two separate meanings.   They don’t want to be agree that a person they like can do heinous acts.

The sad part to the followers is the fact that most of them are supposed to be Christians.  The sit in services every Sunday, worshiping a God that they can’t see, who has done his own fair share of heinous acts for a good cause.   They serve on Church committees, Sunday school boards, ministry teams and other deacon jobs in the churches.  Yet they take up for the uprisers because they don’t want to admit that the icon they worship, entertainingly, could actually be wrong.  They don’t want to stand up for the American’s that are being chastised, degraded, demoralized, persecuted, segregated and discriminated against.  Instead, they jump on the band wagon and chose to ignore the fact that they are helping to divide our country and turn it into nothing but a raving, lunatical, society where people are allowed to judge one another.

It is sad that a person who detests politics has to be the one who stands up for the underdog.  It is sad that the uprisers have a bigger following than the true Americans.  It is sad that the multi-cultural, diverse society that makes up America is not allowed to even think of being born outside of the United States.  It is sad that, even though, those people can prove their American status, they are judged and discriminated against because of the country where their parents chose to be Christian missionaries.  It is sad that they are choosing their own paths, which God allowed, are being judged because America is only allowed, by the judges, to be one color, one religion and one culture.

So I leave this here for you to contemplate on.  We need to get back to the roots of what made this country, AMERICA.  Values, differentiality, compassion, strength and the bible.  Find out who you are now and what you should be.  Don’t become an upriser.

 

 

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Living a Lie

I have not written anything to the blog in a while.  I thought I needed to express some feelings and thoughts that might be misconstrued if I continue to respond on the good, ole Facebook.

The last 8 months has been a struggle for sure.  I have been nursing wounds that I still have faith that my God will heal.   My physical therapy is going good and I am practicing walking with my prosthetic.  I am very grateful and blessed to be where I am in such a short amount of time.

The thought of ‘nursing some wounds’ hit me.  We all have some kinds of wounds that we nurse, albeit physical or emotional.  I have both.  The emotional ones are healing and God is working on where I need to be.  Over the past 7 years, I have been healing from a devastating hurt from people who I thought where my friends and certainly were my spiritual guides.  God showed me through that time in my life that hurting people hurt others.  Everyone has their own baggage, either drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, profanity or even just emotions that we exaggerate.  I fall into a lot of these categories at times and find myself having to ask for forgiveness.  It made me start to explore the bible to see what I am doing wrong.  Why do I continue to feel the way I do in areas that the bible seems to deem wrong?

I decided that I was going to LIVE OUT LOUD.  I was not going to hide my sins, or what others perceive as sins.  I am not a closet sinner anymore.  I like to have the occasional drink and by what I read in the bible, is not a sin.  Drinking to get drunk is a sin.  Being out of control in your drinking is a sin.  Am I telling you this to try to sway you into my way of thinking?  No.  I do realize that by taking a drink, some feel like they are sinning or are afraid it will lead to getting out of control.  I understand that some had a hard time with this and it is something they like to stay away from altogether.  I am not one of them so why do you continue to chastise me for it?  Why do you make me feel like I am sinning when I am in control and I am within the parameters of the bible?  I could lie to you and tell you that I don’t do this and turn around and have to ask forgiveness for it.  But ask for what?  Having a glass of wine after dinner?  Having a glass at the wedding I just attended?  I have not sinned, so don’t judge me for it.

I could go through a bunch of other controversial, Christian beliefs and tell you what the bible says.  You can look it up for yourself to see what it says.  The one example is enough.  What I don’t understand is why people that are great Christians and are our spiritual guides and leaders, continue to tell us that we are sinning just by the mere viewing of a photo or by a rant that you comment on another’s FB post.  Just because you are convicted of it, does not give you the right to judge us.  Tell us the truth.  Tell us what the bible says.

I grew up in a home with a mother who told me that the CHURCH says not to do ________.  You fill it in.  I was told about wearing makeup, jewelry, shorts, pants, going to a G rated movie, etc.  When I asked why I couldn’t and what the bible said, I was told that I was rebelling against my mother and that I would have to ask for forgiveness.  That is when I decided to start living my life according to what the bible says.

I guess I am writing this to warn you about what you say in public.  I have to admit I am guilty of this also.  It is okay to give us the facts of the bible and tell us your opinion.  But it is NOT your right to lump us into categories that we do not fit into.  Why do you do this?  Because you feel like you are trying to win the hearts of the sinners over to God.  I get that.  It is what we all should be doing at Christians.  But what you are doing is turning off the hearts of the Christians under your care or with whom you are friends with.  They feel hurt by the one little belief you have that is not substantiated by the bible.  The one thing they may have an issue with and are trying to fix in their life.  It is not enough of a problem to be considered a sin but by the way you speak to them, they feel like you are judging them.  That turns them off and turns them away farther.

Be careful what you say and how you say it and be prepared to back it up by the only guide that matters, the bible.  Thank you for listening.  God bless.

“YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!” …… NOT!

I have not written in a while due to an injury.  On August 14th, I fell in my house and hyper-extended my knee.  I tore an artery and that caused me to have 2 surgeries to do bypass graphs.  The second one worked.  They started me on heparin and I developed HIT (Heparin-Induced Thrombocytopenia)  which basically caused my blood platelets to drop and I lost the circulation in my foot.  I had to have it amputated.  I have also had 2 External Fixators put into my leg that makes it a total of 5 surgeries total.  I have an upcoming surgery on October 10th to take out the Ex Fix.  Then another surgery to fix my knee.  Hopefully by then I will be finished.

I have spent the last 7 weeks in the hospital and a rehab center.  I had to fight to be released.  It has been a rough struggle and it was not easy.  I kept hearing, as I told my story, that I was an inspiration to them and that I gave them strength to get through their own issues.  I wish I could take credit for this.  I am NOT the inspiration.

The first part of my journey in the hospital was a blur.  The first two weeks I was on heavy pain killers, Morphine and Oxycodone.  Once I was awake enough to realize that I was a zombie, I stopped taking the hard stuff and they gave me Tramadol and Tylenol and kept pushing the Oxy.  I refused.  Even Frank, my husband, was upset.  He didn’t want to see me in pain.

The next week or so, I started having panic attacks in the evenings.  There were less people around and I felt isolated and alone in my bed.  I tried to occupy my mind but it didn’t always work.  I still to this day have a little bit of anxiety that may be tied to some meds.

What helped?  GOD!  I had slipped away a bit over the last few years and tried to maintain but it isn’t very helpful unless you really believe.  From day one, I felt God helping me.  I have maintained my faith and feel his presence every day..  I have no choice.  I feel obligated.  Why?  God should be a choice.  Well, that is true.  He IS.

To save something for the book, I will sum it up with this.  Be careful what you ask for.  Maybe you don’t mean to ask.  Maybe you just feel they are related when they are not.  Either way, when you are handed something, you have to take the responsibility for your actions.  Take control of your situation and move forward.

If I stop to ask God why he allowed this to happen, I would become bitter and hurt again.  I just found my way back into the graces of God and I want to move forward and heal.  I want to get my life back and go on drives with my husband or go to a festival together before it gets cold.  I don’t want to be the complainer and stay depressed because I do not have a leg.  God gives me my strength every day and has helped with my leg pain since I have been home.  I am not an inspiration to anyone, God is.

God gives me my strength, my pain relief, dries my tears and is healing my leg.  I WILL WALK AGAIN, in Jesus name.  He is my everything right now.  I can’t do any of this without him.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!

 

Afraid to write what you feel?

I have grown a lot over the last year and have pretty much doubled my volume of books.  I have 58 finished novels, 17 unfinished, 5 finished cowrites, 1 unfinished cowrite and I am currently working on a new serial and a new cowrite.  I am editing another novel to be published in September.  I am excited about the new book to be published.  More on that later.  Right now, I would like to answer a few questions I hear.

  1.  So what do I write?  Everything!  I like romantic suspense/dramas.
  2. How can you write so fast?  I am a stay at home wife.  I literally write all day long.
  3. How do you find different things to write about when you have written so much already?  I google ideas, get information from television and other books.
  4. Do you have a sounding board?  Yes, my husband Frank and my writing buddy Nikki.  They have been big inspirations in my writing career.
  5. Do you plan to publish more novels?  Yes.  Working on one now and will have several others ready in the next few months.
  6. Why do you write?  I write to express my feelings, release anger or anxieties, heal from pain, experience things I can’t in real life.  Writing is my way of getting through life.
  7. Do you write about controversial things?  Yes.  I write about whatever my characters tell me to write.  I don’t always believe in everything I write. I write it anyway.

I would like to talk about the #7.  Controversial writing.  As I have stated before, I was raised in a Christian home and I raised my boys that way as well.  I began in a strict Pentecostal religion.  I never just believed what I was told in church.  I looked it up in the bible to confirm my beliefs.  Some were correct and did not totally fit what I was taught.  Others were spot on what I was taught.  Did I believe them?  I believed what the bible said would happen if I crossed the line of sin.  Did it stop me from expressing my feelings?  No.  That is what I do in my writing.  I express my feelings on certain subjects.

       8.  What kind of controversial things do you write about?

This is when things become real for me.  Let me first define CONTROVERSIAL.  Controversial, to me, is what society, mostly Christian beliefs, define as wrong in their eyes.

I have written about abortion, teen pregnancies, sibling love, rape, abuse, sexual orgies, fantasy or magical powers, religions other than Christianity, erotica, prostitution, drugs and lots of sex.

Why?  Because these are things that weigh on my mind every day.  They are things that I have either experienced for myself, or I WISHED would happen to me.  I still consider myself a Christian and I live by the bible.  But that does not stop me from writing about an attraction to the opposite sex I had or wondering what it would feel like to be a witch.  When I first started writing I told myself that I would not publish works with these controversial subjects in them because of what my friends would think.  I am almost 50 years old and, frankly, I don’t give a damn what they think anymore.  I live on this earth to please my husband and my God.  No one else matters.  This is who I am and I am no longer afraid of what they think.

What will happen if I publish these things?  They will either love my honesty or they will delete me on Facebook.  Is that a bad thing?  No.  I have several friends who are NOT on Facebook.  It isn’t like we see each other in person or they text me on a regular basis.  We do not have lunch or go shopping.  They are just friends or acquaintances, mostly from Social Media.

My advice to you as a fellow writer;  write what you want.  If not for anyone else, but for yourself.  Write it down.  Over and over again.  THEN you can decide if and when you publish your controversial topic.  Who cares that you like writing about threesomes or that you write about abortion or drugs in a different way than what others believe.

I spent most of my life hiding from the real me because I didn’t want my Christian friends to disown me.  Well, if they were true friends, they would not judge me and would silently pray for my ‘seeing the light’.  The only ones who matter to me are my husband Frank, my sons Scott and Phil, my God, and a select handful of true friends.  So I leave you with this… TO HELL WHAT OTHERS THINK!  WRITE!

Fears and phobias from a writer’s viewpoint

I just finished my 31st novel.  I have created all of them within a 2 year period.  As i have stated before, I write out my pains, fears, intrigues and feelings.  When I was a child, I had this ongoing dream that never ended.  When I laid down at night, I could not wait to get back to that dream.  I was a popular movie star of sorts with special powers.  Of course the characters, including myself included people like Farrah Faucet and John Stamos.  I guess that led into my need to write.

I tried to escape my world of abuse and loneliness by creating these dreams and characters.  I started writing them down but never finished them.  It was not until 2014 that I began finishing stories.  Some of them were short stories and one was a novel.  It started as part of the NANOWRIMO contest and continued from there.  The more I wrote, the better I got.  That led to 2 years worth of 31 novels, 1 novella, 5 short stories and 3 open stories not finished.

So where are they?  Still in my Dropbox.  My husband is my only fan right now.  He helps guide my stories when i get stuck in a rut.  I published my first Novella i wrote in college and I have not sold anything.  I guess I am afraid to publish.  What will they think of my writing style?  Will my friends hate me?  Are my stories good enough?  These are the questions that constantly go through my mind.

The biggest fear I have is What if they DO like my style.  Then it becomes real and I have to face my phobia of explaining myself to my friends and families.  I have only a handful of friends who truly understand me and will not judge the person I am.

So where do I go from here?  Do I edit and publish and get rejected over and over again or do I just keep them to myself, unedited and unjudged?  What would you do?

 

 

 

Where does your writing come from? Mine? Hell.

I was raised in a “Christian” home.  I use that term loosely because it was far from it.  The only thing that made my childhood home a “Christian” home was the fact that my parents professed to be Christians.  So let me give you a background of my parents.

My father was a Staff Sargent in the Air force.  He was born to a mother who lost a daughter before he was born.  When he was born, he was treated more like a girl for the first few years.  I saw a picture of him at what looked like about 4 years old.  My sister asked who that was and she said “YOUR FATHER.”  Now he was born in 1923 so it was now about 1927.  He was dressed in a dress that looked like a Christening Dress.  We asked her if that was a baptism dress because we were not Catholic.  She said no.  That is just what they wore back then.  I said, “NO MOM, THEY WORE KNICKERS BUT NOT GIRLS DRESSES.”  She just blew it off.  Let’s skip to his Air Force days.  All of us children were born on an Air Force Base hospital.  The last time he was in the Air Force was when I was about a year old.  He was kicked out and dishonorably discharged for what they said was unproven charge of child molestation.  It did not take him long to start on us girls.  I will go into detail in another post.  I was molested for about 4 years that i can remember.  At age 8, my mother finally kicked him out.  Even though I told my mother before, she never believed me until my older sister threatened to take us away from her because she had just gotten married.

My mother was a 9th grade drop out.  She would have been about 14 or 15 years old.  That was 1947.  She was raised in Kentucky and turned to religion in her high school years.  She never talked much about her childhood except her mother died at an early age.  She left home shortly after quitting high school.  She got married at age 27 and continued to work.  After my father was kicked out, she started to become abusive and told me I was a “hateful, dispiseful” child.  She told me I would never amount to anything.  She never took us to counseling and never told anyone about the abuse.  She constantly talked to us in a negative tone and even told me at one time I reminded her of my father.  That hurt.  She whipped us with a thick belt, metal flyswatter, green switches and any thing else she could.  I had cans and cake mixes thrown at me all the time.  She was always upset and always mad.  She turned to Harlequin Romance books and chose not to take care of us children properly.  She worked.  Came home and read and went to bed.  That was her cycle.

We did not read the bible in the home.  We sometimes prayed over our dinner.  We did not pray together as a family or like one does with a child at bedtime.  She just told me what I was NOT allowed to do such as, wear shorts in the summer.  When I asked her where it was in the bible, she never knew and never looked it up.  She just said THE CHURCH SAYS SO.  This was the norm for every sin I committed.

Needless to say, my teen years were spent having sex, smoking, drinking and taking drugs.  She sent me to live with my sister because she could not handle me(her words).  I was married at age 18.

The abuse I suffered from both of my parents shaped me into the person I am today.  In some respects, it taught me what NOT to do with my own children.  In other respects, it made my life a living hell of sex, drugs and alcohol.  My writing will reflect my upbringing and adult life.  You will find a recurring theme or two withing my books.  I write to reflect, to escape, to feel and to release.  How about you?

 

I am a writer

I have been writing for 30 years.  I started in junior high when things started to go awry at home.  Like most writers, I write what i feel.  I became a stay at home wife September 1, 2014.  This blog was create to share my thoughts, feelings and works.

I have 1 published Novella, 5 individual unpublished novels, a 15 volume unpublished serial, and 2 other novels that i am currently working on.